How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
