I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I deserve this hangover.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
