Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
