Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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