Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
