During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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