I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
