I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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