I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
