The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
