Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
