drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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