Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
