There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
