Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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