how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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