I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
