The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
