Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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