hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
