i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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