Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
