Ambien. No doubt about it.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My ass is underappreciated
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
