This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
