I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
