That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
