hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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