im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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