I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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