oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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