If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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