every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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