I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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