We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
