I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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