some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
