I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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