I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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