OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
