I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
