It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
