I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so let's talk penis.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
