you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
