My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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