I can text with my tongue
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
