i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's official drugs can't kill me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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