yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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