can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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