Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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