i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
