The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
