hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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