You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I want her autograph on my taint
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
