Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
