omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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