He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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