True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
