you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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