you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
