What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
