I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
