That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
tell me about the fingering
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
