just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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