I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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